you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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