Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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