You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
