where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
