dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
