Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
