he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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