He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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