Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
high people should be assigned attendants
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
