He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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