remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
