Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
