you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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