I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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