That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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