The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
