Your tits are I can't wait for
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
