Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
