There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
