Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
