yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
