physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
