2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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