Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
