I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
