hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well I just put wine in my tea
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
