we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
