I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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