Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
