More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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