you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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