She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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