went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
