You can't special order awesome
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Blood and glitter go together right?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
