Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
