3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
the day after is always just damage control
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
