Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
