if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
