Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
