Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
