I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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