I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
