I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
