one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
