I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
