im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
you never un-have a 4some
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
