moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
