...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
