i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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