I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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