conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
