Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
