found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
