Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
