Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
